That Damned Dinner

I had dressed with care that night. My Captain had told me he had a surprise for me and that I should frock up. When he rang the bell and I opened the door to him he held me at arms length and examined me briefly from head to toe before hugging me tight and telling me I looked perfect. He was nervous, I could tell, and kept stealing quick glances at me. We arrived quickly at the restaurant and went straight in. My Captain gave his name to the door whore and we were whisked deferentially through to the best table. A table laid for four.

An older couple, he handsome and commanding, she elegant and beautiful, were already at the table and they stood to great us. I came to a stop, unsure and confused but my Captain took my arm and put a hand around my waist and drew me forward.

"Come on Darling, I want you to meet my mother and father." I stopped again in complete panic, weighing up the distance to the nearest exits. Jesus, I could be on a flight out of the country within two hours and have Mrs M ship the rest of my clothes at a later date. Too late. The woman, his mother, came towards me, her hands held out in greeting. I took them numbly and let her kiss my cheeks. She was Joanna Lumley blond with perfect, smooth Scandinavian skin and coloring. A gust of some discreet and expensive perfume caressed me. Her voice was cut glass and well spoken when she said,

"How I have longed to meet you! Our dear boy never said a word about tonight to you did he? Don't look so shocked my dear, of course a mother wants to meet the young woman who stole her boys heart!"

If I was looking shocked then god only knows the verb for how I was now.

The Captain took me from his mothers arms, his arm possessively around me again.

"Mother, father, I would like you to meet my girlfriend. Darling, this is my mother, Sara, and my father, Spicer." His father started shaking my hand but also pulled me into a hug.

I should mention that English people of a certain school really don't like being touched, myself included. It's quite one thing to take some strange man home or kiss a randomer in a club but quite another to be hugged or to hold hands with a stranger. Worse, when a bad friend gives you a false hug: the kind where there is little body contact other than a strange draping of the arm over your shoulder. Being hugged by strangers is up there with being sneezed on. I was also trying not to laugh at his fathers name... Spicer?

Back to the dinner.

His father released me and helped me to a chair before clapping his son on the back and telling him he was a lucky devil to have found such a pretty young thing. Pretty? Yuk. Only half a step away from cute.

Hang on... GIRLFRIEND? What? When did this happen? When does sex turn into girlfriend and boyfriend? We hadn't even discussed being exclusive. Now I'm meeting his parents? Little did I know. Meeting the parents would be the least of the evening.

We all sat down and I tried not to glare at the Captain for tricking me into this dinner. I gave myself a mental shake. I might be a terrible flirt and as easy as 1,2,3 but I'm not the kind of girl to make a scene or embarrass someone in front of their parents. He wanted a girlfriend did he? Well tonight he would have one.

I smiled brightly and shifted my chair slightly towards him. He put his arm around me again (I was really starting to hate that) and looked intolerably pleased with himself.

"So dear, our young man has been telling us so much about you. You have lived overseas I gather but have now moved back to London?"

I smiled warmly at her.

"I travel a lot certainly. I hadn't planned to stay in London but this trip was rather unexpected." I dropped my voice huskily on the final word and looked directly at my Captain. He actually blushed then and avoided his fathers eye.

"Yes, normally he's my boy is our best employee but he's been mooning about this place since you turned up. I think we're all hoping you stay so that we can get some work done. I wouldn't like to think of what he would do if you left." Spicer beamed fondly at his son. I could actually feel the love at this table and wanted more than anything to bolt or vomit. This was all getting rather lovie dovie and we hadn't even ordered a drink. Compare and contrast with my family dinners when everyone is saying the wrong thing or not saying anything. It's all pent up feelings and unspoken hurts. Much nicer.

Thank god at that moment the waiter turned up and took our wine, pre dinner drinks and food orders. I aimed for something stiff and hoped it would see me through.

"It's such a wonderful whirlwind romance you have! Spicer and I met at university, you know. One look at each other and we knew that we were meant to be together. Our boy says you were exactly the same. I love the story our boy keeps telling us, how he fell for you when you were singing at that club. He said you had a wonderful voice."

"Mother!" The Captain groaned slightly and looked slightly worried in my direction. I ignored him and simply stored this all up for later.

"It has been a bit of a whirlwind," I said, "I'm not sure I believe in love at first sight but I certainly do believe in fate." Like how bloody bad I must have been in a previous life to be fated to sit through this dinner, I didn't add.

His mother laughed.

"Fate indeed, darling! Here's to fate!" She raised her glass to toast me.

The rest of the dinner passed in a blur of subtle and not so subtle hints regarding our relationship. I was grilled and turned inside out, oh politely of course, to find out if I really was good enough for "our boy" and obviously not found wanting. From that point onwards it was hints on where our relationship was headed. I would not have been shocked if they hadn't encouraged him to propose on the spot.

The Captain watched me carefully with the slightly pleased, slightly worried smile of a puppy who's not sure if he should have bitten the post man's leg.

I sat ramrod straight in my chair and smiled back at him but I knew my smile didn't reach my eyes.

Finally, thank god finally, the meal ended and we stood to take our leave. I was invited to the house in the country, a party the next weekend and to the holiday house in Italy. I inwardly shuddered and said I would have to check my schedule but would be pleased to come if I could.

They left well pleased with me, Sara kissing me again and Spicer clapping his son on the back and telling him how lucky he was but not to dilly dally around but to snap me up quick before some other lucky fellow did.

We walked quickly back to the car and got it. I was rigid with anger and the Captain wisely stayed silent until we were back at mine.

Comments

[ramsays pub food at home]

Is this the prelude to some crude, angry make-up sex? I do hope so!