Well I wont linger over this post as nothing has really happened in the past week. The driver drove me some hours out of paris to a small house rented by Frenchman where the cook could live rent free. The house was outside of a small village and perfect in its picturesque nature. I did as the Frenchman suggested and ate, walked and relaxed. I spent most of my day outside often taking a wonderful tart, some fruit and a homemade elderflower presse for lunch with me. I walked and walked for hours, thinking constantly, making myself as tired as possible so that I could drop exhausted into bed each night and sleep dreamlessly.
The Frenchman's old cook was a marvel. Every day there would be fresh pastries and yogurt with home made jam. Lunch, as I said, was often eaten on the hoof and all the more delicious for it. Dinner was exceptional and always at least four courses, including the best local cheeses, all washed down with some of the Frenchman's wine from his vinyard. The cook spoiled me rotten, making sure I ate everything on my plate and discovering my favorite dishes so that I would eat as much as possible. I felt the color return to my cheeks and got a bit of a tan from all of the time I spent outside.
I came, in my own time, to a very obvious conclusion.
I had been stupid with the Captain. I had probably been stupid since I arrived in the UK. I am, above all, a Kept Woman. Alpha's Kept Woman. It is certainly one thing to find a nice attractive young man and beguile him into bed. It is entirely another to seduce him into love with you. I never should have let him gotten that close. I should have backed off when I realized this was more than just sex. I certainly should have been clearer from the start. I shouldn't have stayed at his and I shouldn't have ever slept (as in sleep) with him.
Well, what to do next? I was yearning for Alpha certainly. I missed him like a physical ache. He who always understands, loves and cares for me. I would have to go back to England and give the ring back to the Captain even though I firmly believe that engagement rings should always be kept by the female. I would have to tell him something thought this would not be the time to admit to being a Kept Woman or Alpha or that I never wanted him for anything more than a holiday fling.
No more flings for a while, I promise myself. Ha! Let's see how long that lasts.
First things first... Dinner with the Frenchman in Paris. I'm leaving today, Monday, and going to see him. I think he'll be happy with the changes in me. I think he'll see his old Coquette again and be pleased.
Then first train back to England tomorrow and a meeting with the Captain. Then I'll pack and fly for Beijing. I'll be home by Wednesday, Thursday at the latest, and I cannot wait.
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