The Kept Woman

Unexpected Dining Companions

I was planning to have lunch on my own today. I like to do it every now and again. I take a good book, go to a restaurant I love and order all the things I'm usually too polite to stuff myself on. You know what it's like. You go for sushi and there are enough little salmon rolls for everyone to have one or two but you're sitting there thinking "just give me the whole lot and pass the wasabi." So that's what I do on my solitary dining days. I order a whole plate of salmon plus whatever else I love and just gorge.

I woke up, went to the gym, went and had my hair blow dried then popped into The Village to do a bit of shopping and find some lunch.

I was walking up the stairs between levels when I saw him. Oh. My. God. Hair all wind swept and disheveled - like he had just gotten out of someone's bed - tall, strong and handsome he was like Prince Charming just back from slaying the dragon in a Brioni suit. The Suit was walking down the stairs whilst I was walking up. He hadn't been paying attention but when we were about to pass each other he looked down at me and we both stopped simultaneously. He grinned and I lowered my eyes in false modesty before peeping up at him with a coy smile fluttering against my lips.

"Hello," he said familiarly, "you look lovely. Going somewhere nice?" I bit my lip and thought for two seconds before replying.

"Why yes, I am. I'm going to go and have some lunch." He turned so that he could walk up the stairs with me.

"What a coincidence, so am I. Dining alone?" He asked.

"Not any more. Where are we eating?"

"How does Hatsune sound to you?"

"It sounds wonderful as long as you don't mind that I'm going to order far too much and I won't want to share." He laughed, a deep rich sound and tickled and nudged the base of my spine.

"My kind of woman." We walked the rest of the way to the restaurant in near silence though we kept on checking each other out and smiling.

He took control by asking for a table from Kristen, the door whore, and we were promptly seated and looking over menus. I called the waitress almost immediately back and started ordering. I chose half a dozen dishes - sushi, rolls, stir fried vegetables, miso soup, more sushi - then turned to the Suit and asked what he wanted to eat. He added a couple of things to the list and ordered us both cocktails.

"You really weren't kidding when you said you didn't want to share."

"Not at all. I love coming here and ordering until I'm sick. I usually prefer to do it when no one can witness my shame however."

"There's no shame in following your passions." There was a fraught pause when we looked at each other and a palpable buzz of sexual attraction. I felt myself starting to blush again - what was the effect the Suit had on me? Like two magnets we shifted ourselves subtly closer together.

The silence was broken by the waitress bringing the stir fried vegetables. I pushed the plate towards him and said,

"Please, I'm not a terrible lunch companion, you will eat too wont you?" He picked up a piece of broccoli with his chopsticks and put it to my mouth so that I could eat it. I held his gaze as I opened my mouth and took the broccoli then closed my eyes and moaned quietly as I tasted it. I glanced at him through my lashes and saw that he was practically growling with lust. Suddenly I wasn't very hungry at all. Who knew broccoli could be so sexy?

He cleared his throat and tried to say something. No words came out so he cleared his throat and tried again.

"Lets get out of here. I'll take you for lunch after." I knew that the Suit never usually had any trouble asking for what he wanted and the knowledge made me bold. I put my hand on his chest and coiled my fingers through the soft cotton of his shirt. I could feel his heartbeat under my hand as it skittered and jumped like a nervous colt. I pulled him towards me and leaned in close myself. I put my mouth right next to his ear and deftly ran the tip of my tongue over the lobe. He shuddered and moved closer.

"I hate fucking on an empty stomach. Lets finish then get out of here." I whispered provocatively. He smiled wolfishly and dug into the food on the table with gusto. I felt that warm and tight feeling in my chest that whispers excitement and the thrill of the game.

We ate quickly and without much conversation after that. It wasn't awkward at all but somehow right and as it should have been. As the last dish arrived at our table he paid the bill and practically yanked me out the door and into a taxi. We sat as far away as possible from each other like two unfriendly dogs in too small a cage. We both looked the other over and panted with lust and excitement. I think if one of us had reached out then we would have been clothes off and at it in the cab.

We arrived at his flat - a glorious penthouse that overlooked the city somewhere south east on the 3rd ring - and before the door was half closed I started to strip. My top landed on the table by the door, my skirt the sofa, my bra the tv, the knickers coffee table. I went right up to the windows and lent my forehead against the glass. I splayed my hands over the cool surface, feeling the heat from outside battle with the AC within. The Suit came right up behind me, his hands cupping my breasts possessively. His mouth covered the sensitive spot on my neck and he sucked. I felt my knees weaken and start to buckle. He pulled and pushed me down to the floor. His mouth pushed, his hands pulled. I sank compliantly and without much preamble I was on the floor on all fours. His mouth held me down and the pressure of his hands forced my bottom up. I felt open and exposed. His mouth left my neck and moved to my pussy and arse. He licked me from tip to stern, the rough pressure of his tongue made me moan and buck but still those hands held me still and in place. He sucked my clit and deftly pushed his tongue into my pussy. I gasped and pushed back but still he held me. He repeated the process. Sucking my clit then a long lap from clit to pussy. It went on and on until I could no longer tell where and how he was touching me. I was as close as I've ever been to an orgasm when he suddenly stopped and sat back. I wriggled, gasped and sobbed and begged him not to stop. He laughed cruelly and just held me still.

When at last my body stilled and slowed he started the same rhythm again. Suck. Lap. Lick. Suck. Lap. Lick. Suck. Lap. Lick.

I burn.

Each time I stood on the cusp of orgasm he would stop, sit back and wait for my frenzy to subside.

My brain turned to fog and mist as he toyed with me. When I could take it no longer. When I begged and cried and pleaded I heard him unzip his suit pants and the rustle of a condom wrapper. I felt his cock at the entrance to my pussy and I tried to push back to take him in. He reached forward and pinched my nipple hard as he slid inside me. On the first stroke, the mixture of long needed penetration and the pinch of my hard nipple, I screamed loudly and came as hard as I ever have. I bucked and thrashed on his cock as he started up a crude rhythm that made me cum in waves. Each time I thought this is what death is, this is what the martyrs felt as they burned for their god and still he kept going, pounding into me.

At last, as I struggled to remain on all fours, I felt him cum as he shouted with triumph. I dropped limply to the floor as he pulled out.

From my cruel tormentor he turned to a pleasing lover. He scooped me up, prince charming in his suit all over again, and carried me through to the largest bed I have ever seen. He pulled back the sheets with one hand and carefully deposited me into the bed. He tucked the covers around me and brought me a glass of water. He kissed me tenderly on the lips then watched me with a sly smile.

"What now? Am I supposed to sleep?"

"I thought you could probably do with a nap."

"I don't really sleep with boys." He stayed silent, mocking my statement. I looked him up and down and realized, this was no boy, this was no Captain or Green Eyes. This was almost certainly a man.

"What is it? Boyfriend or husband?" I got out of bed and went through to the living room, gathering my scattered clothes and dressing with efficiency. There are some conversations you shouldn't have naked.

"Fiance."

"Good for you. That wont make this messy at least. Do you want to catch up again? Just sex. Nothing silly, no strings attached, if we see each other in the street we can both pretend we don't know each other. It's just a fuck. What do you think?" I stilled for a moment.

"Burnt before were you? Did someone confuse her heart with her pussy?" I laughed mirthlessly.

"Worse. He did." His cocky smile dropped for a moment but slid back.

"Much worse. Don't worry I promise not to do that."

"No I don't suppose you would. Look, give me your card and I'll call you if I'm free." The Suit nodded and dug a card out of his wallet. He handed it to me in the formal Chinese manner - thumbs up, gripped with both hands, extended officially with a courtly nod - mocking me for trying to take control. I shrugged and palmed the card nonchalantly into my back pocket. His arrogance slipped for a bare moment as I treated his phone number so casually. I took my handbag and readied to take my leave.

A kiss and a "bon chance!" later and I was gone.

A Lowering Thought

I want to tell you about something that happened to me on Wednesday and Friday night. It is in no way connected to anything else that has been going on and I'm not sure he will feature again so I'm just going to throw it in and you can make what you will of it.

When out on Wednesday I met a very nice young man. There's a shock, I hear you cry. Good looking, young, blond, nice eyes (blue I think), not as tall as I like them but with these beautiful broad shoulders and strong arms. Attractive, funny, sweet and complimented me constantly. Some friends and I were in a bar and this man was there too. What shall we call him? The Banker? No, makes him sound too uptight, old and like he ruined the global economy single handedly. The Student? Yuk, no. Students have long hair and live in studio apartments. I shudder at the thought. No, Kept Women do not mix with students. Hmmmm... suggestions for his name in the comments section please.

He sought me out and flirted. He found out (not from I but from a meddling friend who wanted him for herself) that I had a boyfriend. He asked me to go home with him. I refused, balking at the thought of being so obvious in front of our, Alpha and my, friends.

That, I believed, was the end of it.

We bumped into each other at another bar on Friday. I had my game face on and gave as good as I got. We flirted with euphemisms for most of the night and he told me, depending on how things went, he may want to replace Alpha. How little you know, I thought, but loved the idea that he had barely met me but wanted to date me. Yes, the part of me that remembers the horror of the Captain told me to run but a quick shag can't hurt can it?

I ended up back at his and he quickly teased me into bed.

"No sexual connotations at all but the sofa cant be comfortable. Why don't you come and sit with me on the bed."

"No sexual connotations at all but are you cold? Why don't you climb under the covers?"

"No sexual connotations at all but that top, beautiful as it is, doesn't look comfortable. Why don't you take it off."

"No sexual connotations at all but..."

As you can imagine, it wasn't long before I was near enough naked. I love bedroom games. Especially when a fellow is bright enough to turn the air conditioning down to arctic and then gets you naked and under the covers in an effort to "keep you warm."

We made out for hours, just touching, teasing, stroking and kissing. Proper kissing. Snogging, pashing, smooching, tongues and all. God it was fun. It was like being fifteen all over again, when you spent for ever just making out without feeling too much pressure to move on to more adult pastimes.

I scratched and bit like a little fiend, rarely so turned on as I was then. I expected him at every moment to roll over and find a condom but the moment never came. Perhaps he though I was such the sexual aggressor that I would be the one to make the final move. Well I am but I like a man to be a man and not need to be asked.

The night ended with me giving him the blow job of his life. Everyone should have a talent and mine is certainly giving head. If only I could make legal and not grubby money from it I would be as rich as a nabob. I think he was most surprised when I swallowed. He had given me the tap just before he was about to cum and obviously expected me to pull back or hold and dash to the bathroom or spit or something. Remember what your mother said: it's rude to spit.

I escaped soon after, his lust sated but mine slow burning. We had agreed, periphrasticly, to meet for "lunch" the next day.

_______________________________________________________________________________________

I have never felt such a fire in my belly for a man. I arrived the next day in my best underwear, an Agent Provocateur set that would make the most jaded of eunuchs beg God for a second chance. My trousers came off quickly and he exclaimed at the underwear:

"God, this sight will go with me to the grave."

The compliments never really stopped, how great my breasts are, how tiny I was, how many positions we could do together (strong arms for he and slim body for she: great combination) and he continued to ask me about Alpha. Does he see me in this underwear, does he know how lucky he is, does he worship my breasts too?

Then, I in nothing but my knickers, he asks whether Alpha has proposed.

I want to lie. Desperately I want to lie.

"Yes, he's proposed."

"What did you say?"

"I said yes. The ring was very nice you see and it's hard to say no."

He rolls off me and away. I want to stuff the words back into my mouth. I want to block my mouth with my fist and scream.

Too late.

He won't touch a girl this deeply in a relationship. Wont go near her. One thing to sleep with a girl with a boyfriend, quite another to sleep with a girl with a fiance. There are some lines not to be crossed.

He says all this to me but his hands betray him. He is still touching and rubbing my breasts. Still stroking his hands up and down the flat expanses of my stomach. Still rubbing my pussy through the silk lace of my knickers which, holy Jesus, sends jolts of fire through my body.

We're just going to have to work a little harder for this tumble, I think.

I stretch, arch my back, display myself most fetchingly. I put my arms above my head, offer my breasts towards him, a physical supplicant, only needing him to hold my hands down and take me. I nibble at his sensitive ear lobes which he begs me to do again. I wrap my legs around his waist and show him how perfectly we would fit together. I use my nails to scratch a gentle trail of lust to his groin. I tell him my favorite positions and we act them out in a lewd pantomime that only inflames me further. I introduce him to a few of my favorites which he hasn't tried before and in a breathy voice tell him how this position makes it deeper, this position makes me feel tighter, this one makes me scream. I even tell him of the perfect moment, my favorite moment, moaning as if he is already inside me. He shudders and asks me to tell him again but still I can't budge him. I ride him, twitching and fluttering, simulating his favorite position and bring him to the point of orgasm but backed away at the last moment so he can't have the satisfaction I'm craving. He couldn't believe it, couldn't believe I could get him to that point by barely touching him.He said "ok" every now and again as if finally succumbing but, again, never just reaching for the damn condoms and fucking my brains out.

I have never, ever, tried so hard to seduce someone and failed so miserably. Never. I was shaking, physically shaking, with lust but just unable to bring him up to scratch.

He told me he wanted to see me again but I have this feeling that was it. I think his fine honor will some how speak louder without the physical reminder that we would be so good together. I think over the next few weeks he will convince himself to do the right thing and steer clear of me.

There are a few lines from Molair's To His Coy Mistress that pops into my head when I think of him:

And your quaint honor turn to dust, And into ashes all my lust.

The grave's a fine and private place But none, I think, do there embrace.

It's a phrase that I often think of when boys and girls refuse to do what de Sade says is "as important as eating or drinking and we ought to allow the one appetite to be satisfied with as little restraint or false modesty as the other." The old pervert may have had some queer ideas about sex but this one's bang on.

Who knows what will happen now. He is away on holiday for the next few weeks and will decide whether he wants a night or two of passion with me whilst he is away. Let me repeat. After I made myself so maddeningly available he will decide if he wants me. A lowering thought indeed.

In the mean time The Kept Woman is sitting here with her teeth bared in un-sated want and desire. Time waits for no man and usually neither do I but I hate being denied what I want and part of me wonders how seductive I really am. What can you seduce a man away from? Honor? Morality? Does lust trump virtue? Certainly it does for The Kept Woman. What about you?

Responses and suggestions for our virtuous knights name to the comments section please.

Back in Beijing

Well thank goodness! I'm back, back, back. The flight was great. I ordered a non stop supply of alcohol and then slept it off. BA first is magic.

Alpha was waiting for me at arrivals. He swung me into his arms and twirled me around, calling me his golden girl and his princess. I cried when I saw him which touched and surprised him. I have never felt happier or more complete. He teased me for the amount of baggage I had picked up and wondered if we would need to hire a second car to get us home. The driver took my luggage trolley and off we went. Beijing is cool and wet this morning but I can't think of anywhere else I would rather be.

We went home and I showered then we made delicious love in bed. Alpha tucked me in and told me to nap. I knew I would have to turn my phone on soon and call my friends but right now it was just Alpha and I and that was perfect.

Goodbye

I'm on the flight back to Beijing as I write this.

The train back to London was horrible. I had sick butterflies in my stomach and a weight on my chest. I packed quickly in London, picked up my real engagement ring - the one from Alpha -  and paid online to be able to take an extra suitcase with BA. I know you get 2 with business class but I had shopped my heart out so 3 were needed. I taxied out to the airport and checked myself in. The girl behind the counter asked me if I was OK as I was as white as a sheet. I told her I was about to break up with someone and felt a bit sick about it. We started talking and I explained he had asked me to marry him but I couldn't because I didn't feel the same way. She clutched my hand and looked sympathetic. Apparently she had been through a similar situation a few years ago before finding her currant husband and love of her life ("don't worry, he's out there somewhere for you too!") and "suddenly" there was a spare seat in first and would I like a free upgrade. Sarah from BA T5 check in, where ever you are, thank you, thank you, thank you and best of luck with the baby.

After I checked in I went down to the arrivals area and waited for the Captain. He came about twenty minutes later with a large bunch of flowers. He tried to hug me but I was stiff and kissed him on the cheek instead.

I told him I wanted to go upstairs to departures quickly so we went up and stood near the security area. He didn't ask me why but I think he knew something was up.

Well here goes nothing.

"I'm sorry but I don't want to marry you. I know you think we're perfect for each other but this isn't what I want. I told you when we met that I wanted to travel and that's true. I'm too young to settle down and definitely don't want to come back to London now. I can't settle down and pretend that this is exactly what is right for me because it isn't You are a great and good man and there are thousands of girls who would be thrilled to have you fall in love with them but I'm not one of them. I should never have let you fall in love with me and I should have been clearer that I wouldn't stay for ever. I know you thought I would change my mind but I wont and I haven't. I'm leaving right now. Booked on the first flight out."

The Captain opened his mouth and tried to say something but nothing came out.

He tried again and still there was no sound.

"I'm sorry," I said. "None of this was what I wanted. I certainly didn't want to hurt you."

The Captain rallied.

"You're just scared, you don't know..." I cut him off.

"I'm not scared. I know exactly what I want and it's not this. I'm sorry."

Well that was that. Without giving him another chance to speak I whirled on my foot and was about to walk away when I remembered his ring. I turned back and pulled it out of the box in my pocket and made to give it back to him. He jumped back as if he had been scorched.

"Please, I can't take it."

"No it's yours. When you realize you're making a huge mistake, put it on and come back to me. I'll wait."

"I wont. You shouldn't either." I shrugged though and pocketed the ring again. Then I turned and walked away. I was barely through to the boarding pass check when he shouted after me.

"Wait! Wait! Don't go... I love you!"

I reached the desk and ignored him. The man checking the boarding passes said, "I think that man is trying to talk to you."

I sighed and said I knew but walked through without looking back. 

Dinner A Paris Avec Mon Frog

The Frenchman was thrilled with what he called "my progress." He was happy to see me and adored my sun kissed cheeks. He told me I had put on a touch of weight which suited me admirably. Dinner was wonderful and we ate and ate until I thought I would be sick. He knew the owner of the restaurant so we were treated like royalty. I asked him if his wife would make trouble for him if she heard that he was having dinner with a young woman. His eyes twinkled and he promised me that he wouldn't get into any trouble at all. I wonder what lies he told her.

We talked over everything that I had realized over the past week. The Frenchman was sympathetic but knowing. He just about restrained himself from saying "I told you so" but I could see he was bursting to.

At the end he said, "You know, Coquette, it is all a game, one great game. The greatest game, Coquette. This time you lost. Next time you will make sure everyone knows the rules or at least that you a dealing. Courage, Coquette, Courage and shuffle the cards."

He kissed me briefly three times on the cheek and put me in a car to my hotel. I am leaving early tomorrow, Tuesday, for London and I'll see the Captain. He knows I'm coming back and I have told him to meet me in Heathrow. He thinks that I'm just flying back from Italy and he's collecting me at the airport. What he doesn't know is that I'll be checked in for my flight to Beijing and that I'm leaving.

France

Well I wont linger over this post as nothing has really happened in the past week. The driver drove me some hours out of paris to a small house rented by Frenchman where the cook could live rent free. The house was outside of a small village and perfect in its picturesque nature. I did as the Frenchman suggested and ate, walked and relaxed. I spent most of my day outside often taking a wonderful tart, some fruit and a homemade elderflower presse for lunch with me. I walked and walked for hours, thinking constantly, making myself as tired as possible so that I could drop exhausted into bed each night and sleep dreamlessly.

The Frenchman's old cook was a marvel. Every day there would be fresh pastries and yogurt with home made jam. Lunch, as I said, was often eaten on the hoof and all the more delicious for it. Dinner was exceptional and always at least four courses, including the best local cheeses, all washed down with some of the Frenchman's wine from his vinyard. The cook spoiled me rotten, making sure I ate everything on my plate and discovering my favorite dishes so that I would eat as much as possible. I felt the color return to my cheeks and got a bit of a tan from all of the time I spent outside.

I came, in my own time, to a very obvious conclusion.

I had been stupid with the Captain. I had probably been stupid since I arrived in the UK. I am, above all, a Kept Woman. Alpha's Kept Woman. It is certainly one thing to find a nice attractive young man and beguile him into bed. It is entirely another to seduce him into love with you. I never should have let him gotten that close. I should have backed off when I realized this was more than just sex. I certainly should have been clearer from the start. I shouldn't have stayed at his and I shouldn't have ever slept (as in sleep) with him.

Well, what to do next? I was yearning for Alpha certainly. I missed him like a physical ache. He who always understands, loves and cares for me. I would have to go back to England and give the ring back to the Captain even though I firmly believe that engagement rings should always be kept by the female. I would have to tell him something thought this would not be the time to admit to being a Kept Woman or Alpha or that I never wanted him for anything more than a holiday fling.

No more flings for a while, I promise myself. Ha! Let's see how long that lasts.

First things first... Dinner with the Frenchman in Paris. I'm leaving today, Monday, and going to see him. I think he'll be happy with the changes in me. I think he'll see his old Coquette again and be pleased.

Then first train back to England tomorrow and a meeting with the Captain. Then I'll pack and fly for Beijing. I'll be home by Wednesday, Thursday at the latest, and I cannot wait.

The Bolter

I need to just mention quickly that it never even occurred to me to seriously consider the Captains bloody stupid proposal. What I should have said in my last post was that I needed to get away and be away from everyone who was demanding something from me. What about just going back to China and Alpha I here you say. Well I thought of that but I didn't feel quite up to facing him yet. I also think it's pretty bad form to be comforted by your fiance when your lover makes you feel rough.

I took out my phone and turned it back on. All the messages from the Captain flashed up instantly. I deleted the lot without reading them. Then I phoned the Frenchman and explained briefly what had happened.

"Ah, Coquette, I told you what would happen if you play with silly boys. They get involved. Come visit me, I will make everything all better."

"You dear thing. No men though. I don't want any men."

The Frenchman went silent for a moment, humming and thinking.

"Of course, I understand. Let me think about it, trust your friend to come up with a solution please Coquette. Can you take the Eurostar tomorrow? Is that too soon? I'll meet you in Paris and sort everything out for you. Bon?"

"C'est bon."

I hung up and went to find SH. He actually laughed when I told him what happened but quickly stopped when I showed him the ring.

"Hell babe, this is far worse than I thought. What will you do?"

"I'm not sure but I would like to go back to London tonight if that's ok. England is feeling a bit small for me at the moment. I could do with getting out of the country."

"Bolter," he said without rancor. "Just don't go too far or for too long."

"I wont. I'm thinking spa break. Italy maybe? I could do with a week of good food and massage."

"Sounds great. Well pack up and say goodbyes then let's get going."

So we did. Within an hour we were on the road and heading back to London. When SH dropped me at mine the house felt cold and empty. I made a note to ask Mrs M to give it a top to toe clean whilst I was away.

I flicked through the post and found a couriered first class eurostar ticket for a morning train the next day. I called Alpha and told him I was off to a spa in Italy for a week where they banned phones and computers so I would be out of touch. I tend to have a spa holiday one week a year every year so he wasn't fussed but asked me to come home soon. I know the next time I speak to him he will tell me to come home.

I called the Captain and got his voicemail. I told him the same story but told him it was because I couldn't think with so many people around and I needed peace and quiet.

I slept well that night and was up and on my way bright and early the next day. I taxied to the train station and was soon streaming through the beautiful Kentish countryside to the channel and then the flat plains of northern France. We pulled in to Gare du Nord train station and I pulled my case down the platform. There at the end of it stood my dear, sweet Frenchman.

In one hand was a bottle of wonderful champagne in the other a bunch of flowers. He managed to hug me whilst holding on to the gifts, obviously for me. He took my bags and passed them on to a discrete looking driver, gave me the flowers and sent the champagne away, also with the driver. The driver went off to get the car and the Frenchman took my hand, laid it on his arm and escorted me out towards the exit.

"Well Coquette, what a mess you are in. I wont say I told you so. You have lost your bloom too and have lost weight. It doesn't suit you Coquette."

I told him that I had been fed up by my housekeeper at my mothers.

"Either she is a terrible cook or you were even thinner before. What do you English know about food anyway? I promise by the end of this week you will look and feel a different person."

"Where are we going?"

"Ahhh, not we, you."

"Alright, where am I going?"

"Well it would not be acceptable for you to come to my Paris flat or my home. My wife may come home and how do I explain you? Non. I am sending you to an old friend of mine. She was the cook when my mother ran the house. She is retired now but still as young as ever and has promised to care for you. I think she will leave you to your own devices during the day but will cook food as you have never had it before. Proper home cooked French food. Ah, Coquette, how I envy you. Just you, the country, good food and time to think. Bon?"

"It sounds ideal. She doesn't have a hunky young son or anything though does she?"

"Non. No men, as you instructed. Then when you are feeling better we will have dinner à Paris and you can go home or go to London or to your Alpha or wherever."

The Captain Has a Surprise

SH reached for my hand and squeezed it significantly. The Captain must have just pulled up as he was getting out of the car and examining the old building. Pidge raced off towards him, determined to investigate the stranger. The Captain turned towards the sound of her paws on gravel. Seeing us he stopped and his eyes narrowed.

"Courage babe. I'll go see if M wants a chat shall I?"

"Don't leave me!" I hissed.

"Don't be a coward." With a black look at me SH strode off towards the back of the house and the kitchens. I carried on walking towards the Captain, feeling a bit like an aristo heading to the guillotine.

Well I knew this was coming and I wouldn't back down now. It was going to be bloody unpleasant but had to be done. Then it would be over and I could go nap. I could feel my body already getting sleepy, a sure sign I knew this would be horrible.

The Captain started towards me and I tried not to flinch. He didn't stop until he had swept me up into a huge hug which, I may say, came as a bit of a surprise.

He squeezed me tightly, obviously unwilling to let me go. Into my hair he said,

"We need to talk, Darling."

I agreed and led him towards the bench that encircles one of the oaks in the parkland. I sat down whilst he stood in front of me.

"This week has been hell. I'm not cross that you've ignored all my messages or that it's been damn hard to track you down. I don't even care that SH is down here and holding your hand. I know you were freaked out. I know that you're scared and worried. I know you think this is too soon but I've always known my mind and I know you too. I know you love me even if you don't know it yet." The Captain took a huge breath then sunk to one knee.

"Darling, I love you. I want to cherish and protect you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and have beautiful blond children with you. I want... that is... Darling, would you please make me the happiest man alive and marry me?"

Then came out the ring. It consisted of a large, square, unenhanced emerald with a long baguette shaped diamond either side. The Captain took my numb hand and slipped it on my ring finger. The fit was almost right but slightly snug. I looked at this ring on my finger in uncomprehending shock. I hadn't been wearing my engagement ring from Alpha in England as I had sent it to be cleaned when I first got back and hadn't picked it up yet. This new one felt like a cuckoo on my finger.

"Say yes darling." I looked at the Captain. He looked so confident and happy and proud. Exactly the kind of man that any girl would be thrilled to have. Any girl but me.

"I can't." His smile didn't even flicker.

"Of course you can. I know it's soon but this just feels so right." I panicked, all courage deserting me.

"I can't!" I all but shrieked.

"Ok, just think about it. Keep the ring for now and just think about it. Stay here with your mother for a few days and just think it over. I'll be waiting for you when you're ready. When you realize this is exactly the right thing to do."

He kissed me on the cheek and hugged me tight again. Then he stood up and walked back to his car and drove away, his bright, shiny confidence not shaken at all. I looked down at the ring and thought briefly about hurling it in the lake and flying back to Beijing the next day. No, that wouldn't do. I would think about this but I wanted to get away, further away that my Mothers. Somewhere the Captain couldn't reach me.

Country Air

My grandfather had always said that he would never live in town because the country air was so much better for you. He believed that it cures all ills, bad humors and sickness. Country air, a good single malt and a hot bath and he thought he could have taken on Hitler single handed.

I suppose he must have been right to a degree. SH and I spent the rest of the week together enjoying the country air. We woke early, ate huge breakfasts then loafed until lunchtime when we were treated to another huge lunch. We aimed to combat carb comas by walking off the calories by taking Hatty and Pidge for post lunch walks around the estate. Then afternoon tea complete with scones, cake and three types of sandwiches. Then what? More loafing often. SH complained that he felt like he was being fattened up like the Christmas pig. The day ended with dinner, usually the only time I saw my mother, then SH and I would end up in the family room watching TV and polishing off a bottle of wine.

I caught up with all the characters from my youth: James the estate manager, Bill the gardener, Jim the groundsman, Tom the master of hounds and met a few new ones who had been drafted in to train from the older gentlemen. One day, all this, the house, the land, the dogs, the responsibility, would all be mine so even if I slacked off from it now I tried to keep my oar in when I came back.

I felt better and better each day. Stronger, more courageous and more able to speak to the Captain when I returned to London. SH was going back to London for a gig that Friday and told me in no uncertain terms that he would drive me back to see the Captain then. Whatever our background was the Captain was still a friend of his and he wanted me to face him honestly.

SH couldn't have been a better friend. He left me alone when I needed it and talked me out of my sullens when I started to sulk. He wouldn't let me mope and made sure I had enough exercise (and alcohol) during the day so that I would sleep at night.

We hugged often, always a tactile couple, and would usually fall asleep together. No funny business between us though I suspect this was mostly due to SH not liking to get involved with "complicated" females. I don't know what I would have done if he tried it on but it never came up so we didn't have to deal with it.

Of course, my peace and tranquility was all at an end in an instant when SH and I were walking up the drive towards the house, Pidge and Hatty at our heels, and whose car but the Captains is waiting for me by the house?

Conversations About The Past

"So babe, what happened?" We were still sitting on the sofa, SH's arm was around me, my head was against his shoulder and the dogs were snoring with pleasure as we stroked them.

I stayed silent for a long time, trying to figure out what to say to him. SH hadn't ever mentioned the night when I went home with the Captain and not with him. There are always plenty more fishes in the sea for SH and most of them are fighting to get on his hook.

"I don't even know. He took me have dinner with his parents." SH whistled. He knows me at least.

"I imagine you didn't react well to that."

"Not at all. We fought and I said some terrible things to him."

"Like what."

"Like that he meant nothing to me and that it was just sex."

"So? I tell girls that all the time."

"Yes but probably not straight after they tell you they love you and want to spend the rest of their life with you. Not after their parents have just given you official blessing."

"Ah no, probably not then. Should have spoken up before babe. Should have been straight right from the beginning that this is just sex."

"I know."

"So why did you bolt?"

"We had sex. After we fought."

"Terrible was it? Can't blame you for bolting then darling." I cuffed him gently.

"No it wasn't terrible but it was different. He was still angry."

"Angry sex? Nice."

"It was... Oh I don't know. Angry and then cuddly. Too much left unsaid. I can't be with someone who I can't talk to and he doesn't know me at all. Doesn't know that I'll be leaving again soon, doesn't know me, doesn't know anything about me. He thinks that I'm this sweet, kind, loving girl who swoons and falls in love and cares about him."

"Ah, so you managed to hide the fact that you're really a nasty, horrible, cold fish with a heart of stone?"

"SH!"

"Well come on babe, you're not that bad. Sounds like you got in over your head and now you need some time to cool off. Just wait down here until you've figured out what you want to do or say to him then go and do it. Do you want to be with him?"

"No. God no."

"Well that's simple enough. Are you going to be a coward and disappear or be a man and tell him the truth."

"Coward."

"Babe..."

"Oh ok fine. I'll be a man about it. What on earth do I tell him?"

"Are you really telling me you've never broken up with someone before? Babe, please, you broke up with me remember? Just tell him the truth."

"Ha!"

"Ok, don't tell him the truth. Tell him you have the plague, tell him he's too good for you, tell him he's not rich enough or not funny enough or he has an stupid looking head. I know him, remember babe. He won't accept it and he won't accept anything other than the truth from you."

We lapsed back to silence and left the rest unsaid.

Truth would not be easy for either the Captain to accept or myself to say.