The Kept Woman

England, dear England

I'm back in the UK.

You may well ask me where the hell I've been all these months and I could tell you but instead I'm going to shrug prettily and politely ignore you. I've been to many places these past months and not all of them have been happy or interesting. There are many things I am happy to share with you all - my vice, my viciousness, my sluttery, my love of Alpha - but some that are too unhappy, too damaging to be spoken aloud. Far, far better to quietly close the door and shut the window and leave that poor unhappy ghost to silence and things best left unsaid.

Shorter story? I'm back.

But I'm back in the UK. Alpha packed me off to the airport with kisses and love and suggestions for how I could spend his hard earned cash. I'm in the London house right now. SH came over for lunch and we talked and laughed about days gone past. We neither of us mention the Captain but I have it on good authority that he has left the country on business and won't return for some months. Frankly, I wouldn't have come back otherwise.

I'm going down to see Mother, the dogs and dear Mrs M tonight so I can't stay and chat. The London house is slightly too cold and I miss Alpha. I don't want to be here on my own tonight so I'm driving down even though the roads are wet and I would be better off waiting for tomorrow. Ah well. I hope the weather clears up. London is dull and dreary and I can't help thinking how Beijing is beautiful and warm right now with all the blossom trees competing for attention.

I'll sign off now but rest assured, there will be more to come!

Conversations About The Past

"So babe, what happened?" We were still sitting on the sofa, SH's arm was around me, my head was against his shoulder and the dogs were snoring with pleasure as we stroked them.

I stayed silent for a long time, trying to figure out what to say to him. SH hadn't ever mentioned the night when I went home with the Captain and not with him. There are always plenty more fishes in the sea for SH and most of them are fighting to get on his hook.

"I don't even know. He took me have dinner with his parents." SH whistled. He knows me at least.

"I imagine you didn't react well to that."

"Not at all. We fought and I said some terrible things to him."

"Like what."

"Like that he meant nothing to me and that it was just sex."

"So? I tell girls that all the time."

"Yes but probably not straight after they tell you they love you and want to spend the rest of their life with you. Not after their parents have just given you official blessing."

"Ah no, probably not then. Should have spoken up before babe. Should have been straight right from the beginning that this is just sex."

"I know."

"So why did you bolt?"

"We had sex. After we fought."

"Terrible was it? Can't blame you for bolting then darling." I cuffed him gently.

"No it wasn't terrible but it was different. He was still angry."

"Angry sex? Nice."

"It was... Oh I don't know. Angry and then cuddly. Too much left unsaid. I can't be with someone who I can't talk to and he doesn't know me at all. Doesn't know that I'll be leaving again soon, doesn't know me, doesn't know anything about me. He thinks that I'm this sweet, kind, loving girl who swoons and falls in love and cares about him."

"Ah, so you managed to hide the fact that you're really a nasty, horrible, cold fish with a heart of stone?"

"SH!"

"Well come on babe, you're not that bad. Sounds like you got in over your head and now you need some time to cool off. Just wait down here until you've figured out what you want to do or say to him then go and do it. Do you want to be with him?"

"No. God no."

"Well that's simple enough. Are you going to be a coward and disappear or be a man and tell him the truth."

"Coward."

"Babe..."

"Oh ok fine. I'll be a man about it. What on earth do I tell him?"

"Are you really telling me you've never broken up with someone before? Babe, please, you broke up with me remember? Just tell him the truth."

"Ha!"

"Ok, don't tell him the truth. Tell him you have the plague, tell him he's too good for you, tell him he's not rich enough or not funny enough or he has an stupid looking head. I know him, remember babe. He won't accept it and he won't accept anything other than the truth from you."

We lapsed back to silence and left the rest unsaid.

Truth would not be easy for either the Captain to accept or myself to say.

Home

We drove through the night. Dawn was just breaking as we tooled up the long oak lined drive to the house. We stopped on the gravel forecourt as the front door opened. There stood Mrs M, wrapped tightly in her home made dressing gown, a torch in one hand and a shovel in the other.

SH and I both stopped in our tracks. SH took my hand and stood in front of me. I pushed him aside and walked into the light from the torch. Mrs M dropped the shovel and moved briskly towards me, concern adding extra lines to her already worn face.

"What is it? Are you ok? Is it your father?" I shook my head mutely.

SH stepped forward, he had known Mrs M from when we had first met and she had adored his scampy charm. Our families had become friends as we had - though I assume with less teenage fumblings - so had remain in touch long after SH and I had broken up.

"She's fine. She just wanted to come home for a break. Can I stay too M?" SH had been the only person to get away with not using her honorific Mrs.

"Of course you can. You both must be exhausted. Thank goodness the car woke James down at the lodge. He told me someone was coming. I was convinced it was burglars or worse though what I could have done to them with this shovel I do not know. Pick it up for me will you dear? Have you got luggage? Leave it there and I'll come and get it after I've seen about putting our young lady to bed and showing you to the spare room.

"I know the way M. I'll take the bags, you just worry about her." Mrs M nodded, already distracted by my silence. Normally she would never just leave a guest to find their own way and certainly rather resign than have them carry there own bags.

Mrs M clucked and fussed all the way to my room. She made sure I had some old pajamas and didn't leave me be until I was tucked up in bed.

I slept the day away. It's a mechanism I have for dealing with fear or stress. I've sailed in storms that would have Blackbeard sobbing for his mother but whilst everyone else panicked and prayed on deck I went quietly to my cabin and slept through it all.

When I woke it was just past dawn again. I had slept for more than 24 hours. I stretched and sat up, ignoring the buzzing in my head. I turned my phone on and called Alpha to let him know I was down at my mothers and SH had driven me. He's not jealous thank god, just teasing me gently not to string him along. I gave him the home number and said my phone wasn't really working down here so not to expect to get through to me on my mobile. Then I turned the phone off as half a dozen text and voice-mail messages came through from the Captain.

I put on socks and slippers, old English houses have cold floors, and went down to the kitchen. Mrs M was already up and about getting breakfast together. My mother rises early and likes a full breakfast to greet her.

Mrs M looked up at me as I came in.

"Tea? I'll get you some breakfast if you can wait half a tick." I thanked her and moved to the sofa that has always sat in the kitchen. Half dog bed, half most comfortable place in the world, I had spent most of my childhood sitting on that sofa in the kitchen with Mrs M pottering about making something delicious whilst my parents entertained guests, argued with each other and slowly destroyed their marriage above stairs.

Two old dogs greeted me from the sofa. They thumped their tails against the cushions and rearranged themselves over and around me as I sat down. I stroked their heads, noticing more white than ever before in their coats. Hatty and Pidge, both incurably gun shy and therefor unable to work on the estate, had become house dogs when the groundsman realized they would be no good in the kennels. Both dogs were thrilled to see me, nosing about my pockets to see if I had any treats for them. I fussed them and pulled there ears, suddenly sad that I lived away from England and my dear dogs.

Mrs M placed the best cup of tea I know of in front of me and a plate full of scotch pancakes and golden syrup. I hadn't eaten these since I was a tot so I lunged at the plate and devoured them. Mrs M looked on approvingly and nodded to herself as I finished the lot.

"That's better isn't it? You're looking too thin, we'll need to feed you up. How long are you staying for?"

"Want to get rid of me already?"

"Don't talk stuff. You know I'm thrilled to see you. Your mother will be too even if she wont say it. Though I must say she's happy to see that young man of yours again. She took him all over the gardens yesterday."

"That must have been a treat for him," I said sotto voce. Then in a normal tone I said, "he's not my young man anyway."

Mrs M gave me a look.

"Isn't he? Then why did he drive you all the way from London at midnight?" I ignored her and took a slurp of tea.

Mrs M got breakfast together and took it through to the breakfast room. My mother was an early riser, mostly so that she could be out in the garden as soon as possible, but I knew she wouldn't come looking for me. I flicked idly through one of the old Country Life magazines stacked by the sofa and let time pass.

Mrs M came back to the kitchen with the dirty plates from breakfast. She tidied up around me then went to see to the rest of the house. Before she left she said,

"Your young man should be up soon. Tell him his breakfast is in the warming oven in the Aga and to shout if he needs anything." I promised her that I would.

SH came down not long after. I told him I was surprised he was up so early. He grinned and sat down at the old kitchen table with his breakfast.

"Really babe, country hours when in the country, town hours when in town. Can't spend the day in bed here."

"Unlike in town?" He gave me a sardonic smile.

"Exactly. Nice PJs by the way." I looked down at my old striped flannel pajamas and laughed. The legs were far too short and had holes over the knee. I used to wear them at boarding school and was amazed they hadn't gone for rags.

"What are we doing today babe?"

"Don't you have to head back to town?"

"No, the band were having a week off. T is off the booze and wants a detox, P has gone on holiday with his girlfriend and B has a wedding somewhere."

"What about you? What were your plans?" SH looked at me carefully, grinning ironically.

"Spend the week with you of course."

"You dreadful liar. I hope whoever she is will forgive you." He laughed then and came over to sit next to me on the sofa. He turfed off Hatty who immediately jumped back up and drooled on his leg.

"Fatty! Get off you silly bitch. Why can't your mother keep nice smart dogs? Why does she have to have these disgusting old women?" He was stroking Fatty Hatty, as she's known, not meaning a word he said.

SH put his arm around me and we sat comfortably together stroking the dogs in easy silence.

The Fight

We arrived back at my house. I jumped out of the car and slammed the door before the wheels had even stopped. The drive back from the restaurant had done nothing but solidify my anger to cold fury. I walked up the steps to my front door as quickly as I could, hoping to get inside so that I could have a nice solid door between my wrath and the Captain.

The Captain was too quick. Just as I was inside the house and starting to close the door he pushed it open and strode in.

"Why are you so angry with me?" he said. I turned and looked dumb at him for a full minute.

"Why am I so angry? You just hijacked me with a dinner with your parents! Your parents who just about handed me the family engagement ring. Jesus! You ask me why I'm angry?" I turned again and strode away, unable to face him for another minute. I headed towards the stairs down to the kitchen, ignoring him as he came after me.

"So? I wanted you to meet my parents. I didn't know they would be quite so full on but who cares? It's not like they've gone and booked the church. Why are you over reacting to this? You know how I feel about you. I thought you would be happy darling."

I started pacing the length of the kitchen. How could I make him understand that this was just sex for me? One day soon I would pack my things and leave and he would be nothing but a fond memory to me. Didn't he understand that? Obviously not.

I stopped and looked at him, seeing him for the first time. There he was, all strength and pride, but now I saw something that I had ignored for weeks and made my blood run cold. Love.

He came towards me, smiling, and stopped me gently by holding my wrists.

"I love you. I thought you knew?"

A bubble of slightly hysterical laughter escaped from me. This was far worse than I had thought.

The silence extended and stretched out. I could see the beginnings of surprise on his face. My silence obviously wasn't what he was expecting.

"Don't... Don't you love me too?" His voice was small and confused. "I mean I know this is all quite sudden and unexpected but wonderful things can happen in a flash. Just look at my parents. I know that you like to think you're hard and cold but you're not. I see that in you. I see your light and laughter and true beauty and I love it. I love that it's only for me."

I laughed harshly again. Only for he, Alpha and oh Green Eyes, The Frenchman, SH and the rest. I made my voice go as flat and dispassionate as possible.

"No. I don't love you. I don't really believe in all of that happy ever after, one look and we knew crap. I told your mother at dinner. This isn't a relationship. This is sex. Good sex, even great in times, but it's nothing that I can't find with half a dozen other young men. I'm sorry that you confused love and lust and sex but I won't be blamed for that. I never promised you anything and certainly never offered you anything more than this. Just sex. We fuck, that's it."

The Captains eyes glittered with anger. He loomed over me and held my wrists to the point of pain. He moved towards me and I backed up with trepidation until I was against the workbench and could go no further back. I clenched my teeth and looked him square in the eye, ready to take whatever he gave me.

When he spoke his voice was low and furious.

"Take it back. Take it damn back you little witch. You don't mean that, you don't mean a fucking word of it." I tried to stifle a whimper and promised myself I wouldn't back down. His face came close to mine and I closed my eyes against whatever was coming next.

It was totally unexpected when he leaned in a kissed me hard on the mouth. I was stiff and unmoved, unwilling to give him even this.

My wrists were still captured in his hands but he moved so that both wrists were encircled by one of his hands. His other hand moved to my breast and pinched my nipple to that strange boundary between painful pleasure and pleasurable pain.I gasped against his mouth and he used this weakness to slip his tongue between my lips and kiss me so ruthlessly that it felt more like punishment than anything else.

I tried not to kiss him back but my body is a traitor that refuses to see reason. My nipples stiffened and my mouth weakened until I knew I was moments away from kissing him back.

He was pushing me again. Forcing me back until I had to move up and sit on the workbench. His free hand went straight up the bottom of my dress to my knickers. He hooked a finger round the material and started expertly stoking my lust.

This was no lovers caress. This wasn't gentle teasing so that I would be pleasured and ready for him. No. This was him showing me that we did have a relationship, that he knew my body as intimately as anyone, that he could turn me on as easy as flicking a switch. Damn him.

He pushed one finger and then two into me and started to stroke in and out. I really moaned then as I was almost instantly wet.

As soon as he knew I was ready he unzipped his fly and put his cock straight against my pussy. He rubbed it slowly up and down the slit, sinking in ever so slightly more with each length. I wiggled and pushed against him, wanting him inside me.

His lips left mine and went to my ear.

In a low and ragged whisper he said,

"Just sex is it? Just fucking?" I nodded, crying out as his cock bumped against my clit.

"Tell me you want me." I stayed silent, still trying to hold out against him. He rubbed my clit directly and I moaned again but louder.

"Tell me you want me. Tell me you want me inside you." I nodded.

"Tell me." He had me hovering just above an orgasm. I knew I wouldn't get what I wanted until I confessed.

"I want you. I want you inside me."

With one stroke he did as requested. I shouted as he pushed hard into me and started a hard rhythm. He kept talking in my ear all the while.

"Don't fucking lie to me again. This isn't just sex. You and I both know that. I know you want me as much as I want you."

He was playing with my clit again, pushing me closer and closer to the brink before sending me crashing over. I cried as I came, my face buried in his shoulder. He came moments after me.

We stayed like statues, he still inside me, my head against his shoulder. I realized I was starting to cry, great sobs that came from nowhere inside me. Tears ran down my cheek and onto him. He was startled and let go of my still captured wrists. He stood there frozen whilst I cried then pulled me into a hug.

"Shhhhh, shhhhh, don't cry baby. It's ok. I love you, I love you... shhhhhh it's ok, please don't cry." For some reason that only had me sobbing more. He pulled softly out of me and I looked down, only realizing then that we hadn't used any protection. I sobbed all the harder.

He looked down too in a daze, realizing what we had done. I pushed him away from me and hopped off the kitchen work bench. I could feel his cum starting to run down my thighs. I bolted for the bathroom to try and clean up.

I locked the bathroom door behind me and turned the shower on full and as hot as I could stand. I stripped quickly and stepped under the flow. I scrubbed, scrubbed, scrubbed, cleaning every inch of me. I tried to stop myself from crying but under the shower the tears came thicker and faster until I was sitting on the shower floor, arms around my knees, sobbing my heart out. I could hear the Captain knocking on the bathroom door, begging to be let in. He apologized for everything, not using a condom, the dinner, surprising me with his love declaration, being so angry when I had told him it was just sex, the sex...

My tears slowed as I realized that I wasn't angry about any of it. I was angry for myself for being so hurtful towards him. Angry that I was fucking around with a man I had no intention of staying with.

I pulled myself together, a visible effort, and turned off the shower. I wrapped myself in my robe and towel-dried my hair. Then I opened the bathroom door.

The Captain was still trying to apologize. I hushed him and led him up to bed. We climbed under the covers together and he held me tight.

"I'm sorry I hurt you. I wasn't built for any of this." I waved my hand expansively.

"Love?" he asked softly.

"Maybe."

"I'm sorry darling. I thought you wanted me to love you but as soon as I did you were terrified. I've felt you pulling away from me for a few days now, ever since I realized how much I loved you."

There was a long silence that neither of us tried to fill. Eventually he said,

"What will we do? About not using protection, I mean."

I blessed him silently for saying "we" and not "you."

"I'm on the pill. Will there be any nasty surprises for me at the GUM clinic?"

"None from me, I have to get checked out as part of the company medical."

"Neither do I, visas demand rather intimate checks nowadays."

We lay in silence, each of us wrapped in our own thoughts. Eventually his breathing slowed and steadied and I realized he was asleep. I sat up and turned to look at him. He looked so calm and peaceful.

This was not what I wanted. Love? Jealousy? Emotion? No thank you. I would have given anything to have been beside Alpha at that moment. He understands me as no one else does. I needed to get away from the Captain, to clear my head as much as anything.

I slipped quietly out of bed and by the lamplight outside the window started packing. I wouldn't need much. I padded quietly to the bathroom and held a whispered conversation with SH. I dressed just as quietly and tiptoed towards the front door. I sat on my weekend bag and waited until the dull roar of a car indicted that SH had arrived. I scribbled a quick note for the Captain then stole out of the house. The note read: "I need some time to think. Gone down to my mothers. XXX"

SH was out of the car and helped me with my bag. He hugged me fiercely and pushed me into the front seat without a word. We drove off in silence. I turned my face towards the window and watched the greasy streetlights streak past as it started to rain.

That Damned Dinner

I had dressed with care that night. My Captain had told me he had a surprise for me and that I should frock up. When he rang the bell and I opened the door to him he held me at arms length and examined me briefly from head to toe before hugging me tight and telling me I looked perfect. He was nervous, I could tell, and kept stealing quick glances at me. We arrived quickly at the restaurant and went straight in. My Captain gave his name to the door whore and we were whisked deferentially through to the best table. A table laid for four.

An older couple, he handsome and commanding, she elegant and beautiful, were already at the table and they stood to great us. I came to a stop, unsure and confused but my Captain took my arm and put a hand around my waist and drew me forward.

"Come on Darling, I want you to meet my mother and father." I stopped again in complete panic, weighing up the distance to the nearest exits. Jesus, I could be on a flight out of the country within two hours and have Mrs M ship the rest of my clothes at a later date. Too late. The woman, his mother, came towards me, her hands held out in greeting. I took them numbly and let her kiss my cheeks. She was Joanna Lumley blond with perfect, smooth Scandinavian skin and coloring. A gust of some discreet and expensive perfume caressed me. Her voice was cut glass and well spoken when she said,

"How I have longed to meet you! Our dear boy never said a word about tonight to you did he? Don't look so shocked my dear, of course a mother wants to meet the young woman who stole her boys heart!"

If I was looking shocked then god only knows the verb for how I was now.

The Captain took me from his mothers arms, his arm possessively around me again.

"Mother, father, I would like you to meet my girlfriend. Darling, this is my mother, Sara, and my father, Spicer." His father started shaking my hand but also pulled me into a hug.

I should mention that English people of a certain school really don't like being touched, myself included. It's quite one thing to take some strange man home or kiss a randomer in a club but quite another to be hugged or to hold hands with a stranger. Worse, when a bad friend gives you a false hug: the kind where there is little body contact other than a strange draping of the arm over your shoulder. Being hugged by strangers is up there with being sneezed on. I was also trying not to laugh at his fathers name... Spicer?

Back to the dinner.

His father released me and helped me to a chair before clapping his son on the back and telling him he was a lucky devil to have found such a pretty young thing. Pretty? Yuk. Only half a step away from cute.

Hang on... GIRLFRIEND? What? When did this happen? When does sex turn into girlfriend and boyfriend? We hadn't even discussed being exclusive. Now I'm meeting his parents? Little did I know. Meeting the parents would be the least of the evening.

We all sat down and I tried not to glare at the Captain for tricking me into this dinner. I gave myself a mental shake. I might be a terrible flirt and as easy as 1,2,3 but I'm not the kind of girl to make a scene or embarrass someone in front of their parents. He wanted a girlfriend did he? Well tonight he would have one.

I smiled brightly and shifted my chair slightly towards him. He put his arm around me again (I was really starting to hate that) and looked intolerably pleased with himself.

"So dear, our young man has been telling us so much about you. You have lived overseas I gather but have now moved back to London?"

I smiled warmly at her.

"I travel a lot certainly. I hadn't planned to stay in London but this trip was rather unexpected." I dropped my voice huskily on the final word and looked directly at my Captain. He actually blushed then and avoided his fathers eye.

"Yes, normally he's my boy is our best employee but he's been mooning about this place since you turned up. I think we're all hoping you stay so that we can get some work done. I wouldn't like to think of what he would do if you left." Spicer beamed fondly at his son. I could actually feel the love at this table and wanted more than anything to bolt or vomit. This was all getting rather lovie dovie and we hadn't even ordered a drink. Compare and contrast with my family dinners when everyone is saying the wrong thing or not saying anything. It's all pent up feelings and unspoken hurts. Much nicer.

Thank god at that moment the waiter turned up and took our wine, pre dinner drinks and food orders. I aimed for something stiff and hoped it would see me through.

"It's such a wonderful whirlwind romance you have! Spicer and I met at university, you know. One look at each other and we knew that we were meant to be together. Our boy says you were exactly the same. I love the story our boy keeps telling us, how he fell for you when you were singing at that club. He said you had a wonderful voice."

"Mother!" The Captain groaned slightly and looked slightly worried in my direction. I ignored him and simply stored this all up for later.

"It has been a bit of a whirlwind," I said, "I'm not sure I believe in love at first sight but I certainly do believe in fate." Like how bloody bad I must have been in a previous life to be fated to sit through this dinner, I didn't add.

His mother laughed.

"Fate indeed, darling! Here's to fate!" She raised her glass to toast me.

The rest of the dinner passed in a blur of subtle and not so subtle hints regarding our relationship. I was grilled and turned inside out, oh politely of course, to find out if I really was good enough for "our boy" and obviously not found wanting. From that point onwards it was hints on where our relationship was headed. I would not have been shocked if they hadn't encouraged him to propose on the spot.

The Captain watched me carefully with the slightly pleased, slightly worried smile of a puppy who's not sure if he should have bitten the post man's leg.

I sat ramrod straight in my chair and smiled back at him but I knew my smile didn't reach my eyes.

Finally, thank god finally, the meal ended and we stood to take our leave. I was invited to the house in the country, a party the next weekend and to the holiday house in Italy. I inwardly shuddered and said I would have to check my schedule but would be pleased to come if I could.

They left well pleased with me, Sara kissing me again and Spicer clapping his son on the back and telling him how lucky he was but not to dilly dally around but to snap me up quick before some other lucky fellow did.

We walked quickly back to the car and got it. I was rigid with anger and the Captain wisely stayed silent until we were back at mine.

How Did I Get Here?

Do you ever ask that? "How did I Get Here?" Do you ever wonder what choice, what decision, what conversation hurtled you away from one happy ending to another quite different ending?

In order to tell you where "Here" is I need to back track and tell you what happened in the weeks between that blissful day in the country and the other week when I ran in terror down to my Mothers place and what sends me further afield to my dear Frenchman in Paris tomorrow. If you are following me on twitter then you may have noticed that tomorrow I'm going off radar. Alpha and the Captain think I'm going to a spa in Italy that bans computers and phones.

Yes of course my phone and the internet work in Paris but I need to get away and I can't do it with my inbox and iPhone buzzing every ten minutes.

I need to think.

To business then. How did I get here?

My Captain and I went back to the Perfect English Village after our brief and very naked nap. We spent the next two nights at the pub which, amazingly, still hired out rooms as it had done for the past four hundred years. Those two days passed in a haze of great sex, good food, warm fires at night and lazy walks in the country during the day. It rained on the second day so we borrowed wellies from the wet room and strode out for a walk anyway. This led to rather damp sex under a majestic old oak tree which was incredible in its own druidist sort of way.

Eventually a lack of clean clothes and simple decency sent us back to London. There are only so many times your hosts can tell you've just had a shag before you start to look like two nymphos on the run from a sexaholics anonymous meeting. I managed to call Alpha enough to not look like I was avoiding him and still keep it hidden from the Captain.

I also called the Frenchman and told him I wouldn't be coming down that Wednesday but could I please come down later. My Frenchman laughed at me and asked me what games I was playing. He made me promise that I wasn't playing with any silly boys and that I would see him before I left for China again. He wasn't going to return to Beijing until I did which was sweet. Thank god he doesn't confuse lust and love.

The next few weeks passed an in a haze of lunch, shopping, sex and a blissful romance that unfolded before me like an unexpected flower. I kept my cards pretty close to my chest. I suspect that the Captain just assumed I was independently wealthy and traveled for fun but would now stay in London to be near him. I shied away from any discussions about "us" or, God, worse, "feeeeeelings." I think that he loved that I didn't give him everything and it lent some kind of mystery to me that only made him desperate to discover my secrets and have them for himself.

I knew that he was starting to fall for me but I foolishly ignored it and him. Perhaps I was in love with the idea of making someone fall in love? Any woman likes to flex her muscles when it comes to men and I can strike a pose better than the best of body builders.

Our days fell into a familiar patten. We would wake early at one or other of our places. He had a bachelor pad ten minutes from my house and it was as English as could be. He had inherited it from his uncle who had been an old roué and spent his declining years at his clubs in St. James. The place was still redolent of cigars, whiskey, and leather chairs inherited from his grandfather. I had a key for his within the first week. So we would wake, get ready and either eat a couples breakfast together or go hand in hand to a local bakery for fresh croissants, fresh unsalted butter and home made jam. He would head off to the city to work in the family company then get back to mine for six. I know he rushed "home" to me every day. I would greet him with a drink and a kiss then we would head for dinner or take it in turns to cook for each other. It became a couplie routine that smothered and enticed me.

The sex of course was incredible. In turns wild, intimate, outrageous, dirty, and questionably legal (if you get caught that is) in a couple of cases. I aimed to keep it away from the intimate side of course but when a man is on top, his arms are around you, he's staring into your eyes and then steals your moans with kisses as you cum shuddering together it's hard to keep things businesslike. When you fall asleep in his arms, night after night, it's hard to remind him that it's just for sex.

I had tried leaving each night so that we didn't actually sleep together but he left me weak and pliant and too tired to move. That's what I tell myself at least.

How long did this go on for? A month I think. I knew I would have to head back to Alpha soon but each week there seemed another reason to stay on.

Things came to a head however when he invited me to that damned dinner. I only have to close my eyes for a minute and there we all are...