We arrived back at my house. I jumped out of the car and slammed the door before the wheels had even stopped. The drive back from the restaurant had done nothing but solidify my anger to cold fury. I walked up the steps to my front door as quickly as I could, hoping to get inside so that I could have a nice solid door between my wrath and the Captain.
The Captain was too quick. Just as I was inside the house and starting to close the door he pushed it open and strode in.
"Why are you so angry with me?" he said. I turned and looked dumb at him for a full minute.
"Why am I so angry? You just hijacked me with a dinner with your parents! Your parents who just about handed me the family engagement ring. Jesus! You ask me why I'm angry?" I turned again and strode away, unable to face him for another minute. I headed towards the stairs down to the kitchen, ignoring him as he came after me.
"So? I wanted you to meet my parents. I didn't know they would be quite so full on but who cares? It's not like they've gone and booked the church. Why are you over reacting to this? You know how I feel about you. I thought you would be happy darling."
I started pacing the length of the kitchen. How could I make him understand that this was just sex for me? One day soon I would pack my things and leave and he would be nothing but a fond memory to me. Didn't he understand that? Obviously not.
I stopped and looked at him, seeing him for the first time. There he was, all strength and pride, but now I saw something that I had ignored for weeks and made my blood run cold. Love.
He came towards me, smiling, and stopped me gently by holding my wrists.
"I love you. I thought you knew?"
A bubble of slightly hysterical laughter escaped from me. This was far worse than I had thought.
The silence extended and stretched out. I could see the beginnings of surprise on his face. My silence obviously wasn't what he was expecting.
"Don't... Don't you love me too?" His voice was small and confused. "I mean I know this is all quite sudden and unexpected but wonderful things can happen in a flash. Just look at my parents. I know that you like to think you're hard and cold but you're not. I see that in you. I see your light and laughter and true beauty and I love it. I love that it's only for me."
I laughed harshly again. Only for he, Alpha and oh Green Eyes, The Frenchman, SH and the rest. I made my voice go as flat and dispassionate as possible.
"No. I don't love you. I don't really believe in all of that happy ever after, one look and we knew crap. I told your mother at dinner. This isn't a relationship. This is sex. Good sex, even great in times, but it's nothing that I can't find with half a dozen other young men. I'm sorry that you confused love and lust and sex but I won't be blamed for that. I never promised you anything and certainly never offered you anything more than this. Just sex. We fuck, that's it."
The Captains eyes glittered with anger. He loomed over me and held my wrists to the point of pain. He moved towards me and I backed up with trepidation until I was against the workbench and could go no further back. I clenched my teeth and looked him square in the eye, ready to take whatever he gave me.
When he spoke his voice was low and furious.
"Take it back. Take it damn back you little witch. You don't mean that, you don't mean a fucking word of it." I tried to stifle a whimper and promised myself I wouldn't back down. His face came close to mine and I closed my eyes against whatever was coming next.
It was totally unexpected when he leaned in a kissed me hard on the mouth. I was stiff and unmoved, unwilling to give him even this.
My wrists were still captured in his hands but he moved so that both wrists were encircled by one of his hands. His other hand moved to my breast and pinched my nipple to that strange boundary between painful pleasure and pleasurable pain.I gasped against his mouth and he used this weakness to slip his tongue between my lips and kiss me so ruthlessly that it felt more like punishment than anything else.
I tried not to kiss him back but my body is a traitor that refuses to see reason. My nipples stiffened and my mouth weakened until I knew I was moments away from kissing him back.
He was pushing me again. Forcing me back until I had to move up and sit on the workbench. His free hand went straight up the bottom of my dress to my knickers. He hooked a finger round the material and started expertly stoking my lust.
This was no lovers caress. This wasn't gentle teasing so that I would be pleasured and ready for him. No. This was him showing me that we did have a relationship, that he knew my body as intimately as anyone, that he could turn me on as easy as flicking a switch. Damn him.
He pushed one finger and then two into me and started to stroke in and out. I really moaned then as I was almost instantly wet.
As soon as he knew I was ready he unzipped his fly and put his cock straight against my pussy. He rubbed it slowly up and down the slit, sinking in ever so slightly more with each length. I wiggled and pushed against him, wanting him inside me.
His lips left mine and went to my ear.
In a low and ragged whisper he said,
"Just sex is it? Just fucking?" I nodded, crying out as his cock bumped against my clit.
"Tell me you want me." I stayed silent, still trying to hold out against him. He rubbed my clit directly and I moaned again but louder.
"Tell me you want me. Tell me you want me inside you." I nodded.
"Tell me." He had me hovering just above an orgasm. I knew I wouldn't get what I wanted until I confessed.
"I want you. I want you inside me."
With one stroke he did as requested. I shouted as he pushed hard into me and started a hard rhythm. He kept talking in my ear all the while.
"Don't fucking lie to me again. This isn't just sex. You and I both know that. I know you want me as much as I want you."
He was playing with my clit again, pushing me closer and closer to the brink before sending me crashing over. I cried as I came, my face buried in his shoulder. He came moments after me.
We stayed like statues, he still inside me, my head against his shoulder. I realized I was starting to cry, great sobs that came from nowhere inside me. Tears ran down my cheek and onto him. He was startled and let go of my still captured wrists. He stood there frozen whilst I cried then pulled me into a hug.
"Shhhhh, shhhhh, don't cry baby. It's ok. I love you, I love you... shhhhhh it's ok, please don't cry." For some reason that only had me sobbing more. He pulled softly out of me and I looked down, only realizing then that we hadn't used any protection. I sobbed all the harder.
He looked down too in a daze, realizing what we had done. I pushed him away from me and hopped off the kitchen work bench. I could feel his cum starting to run down my thighs. I bolted for the bathroom to try and clean up.
I locked the bathroom door behind me and turned the shower on full and as hot as I could stand. I stripped quickly and stepped under the flow. I scrubbed, scrubbed, scrubbed, cleaning every inch of me. I tried to stop myself from crying but under the shower the tears came thicker and faster until I was sitting on the shower floor, arms around my knees, sobbing my heart out. I could hear the Captain knocking on the bathroom door, begging to be let in. He apologized for everything, not using a condom, the dinner, surprising me with his love declaration, being so angry when I had told him it was just sex, the sex...
My tears slowed as I realized that I wasn't angry about any of it. I was angry for myself for being so hurtful towards him. Angry that I was fucking around with a man I had no intention of staying with.
I pulled myself together, a visible effort, and turned off the shower. I wrapped myself in my robe and towel-dried my hair. Then I opened the bathroom door.
The Captain was still trying to apologize. I hushed him and led him up to bed. We climbed under the covers together and he held me tight.
"I'm sorry I hurt you. I wasn't built for any of this." I waved my hand expansively.
"Love?" he asked softly.
"Maybe."
"I'm sorry darling. I thought you wanted me to love you but as soon as I did you were terrified. I've felt you pulling away from me for a few days now, ever since I realized how much I loved you."
There was a long silence that neither of us tried to fill. Eventually he said,
"What will we do? About not using protection, I mean."
I blessed him silently for saying "we" and not "you."
"I'm on the pill. Will there be any nasty surprises for me at the GUM clinic?"
"None from me, I have to get checked out as part of the company medical."
"Neither do I, visas demand rather intimate checks nowadays."
We lay in silence, each of us wrapped in our own thoughts. Eventually his breathing slowed and steadied and I realized he was asleep. I sat up and turned to look at him. He looked so calm and peaceful.
This was not what I wanted. Love? Jealousy? Emotion? No thank you. I would have given anything to have been beside Alpha at that moment. He understands me as no one else does. I needed to get away from the Captain, to clear my head as much as anything.
I slipped quietly out of bed and by the lamplight outside the window started packing. I wouldn't need much. I padded quietly to the bathroom and held a whispered conversation with SH. I dressed just as quietly and tiptoed towards the front door. I sat on my weekend bag and waited until the dull roar of a car indicted that SH had arrived. I scribbled a quick note for the Captain then stole out of the house. The note read: "I need some time to think. Gone down to my mothers. XXX"
SH was out of the car and helped me with my bag. He hugged me fiercely and pushed me into the front seat without a word. We drove off in silence. I turned my face towards the window and watched the greasy streetlights streak past as it started to rain.