The Kept Woman

England, dear England

I'm back in the UK.

You may well ask me where the hell I've been all these months and I could tell you but instead I'm going to shrug prettily and politely ignore you. I've been to many places these past months and not all of them have been happy or interesting. There are many things I am happy to share with you all - my vice, my viciousness, my sluttery, my love of Alpha - but some that are too unhappy, too damaging to be spoken aloud. Far, far better to quietly close the door and shut the window and leave that poor unhappy ghost to silence and things best left unsaid.

Shorter story? I'm back.

But I'm back in the UK. Alpha packed me off to the airport with kisses and love and suggestions for how I could spend his hard earned cash. I'm in the London house right now. SH came over for lunch and we talked and laughed about days gone past. We neither of us mention the Captain but I have it on good authority that he has left the country on business and won't return for some months. Frankly, I wouldn't have come back otherwise.

I'm going down to see Mother, the dogs and dear Mrs M tonight so I can't stay and chat. The London house is slightly too cold and I miss Alpha. I don't want to be here on my own tonight so I'm driving down even though the roads are wet and I would be better off waiting for tomorrow. Ah well. I hope the weather clears up. London is dull and dreary and I can't help thinking how Beijing is beautiful and warm right now with all the blossom trees competing for attention.

I'll sign off now but rest assured, there will be more to come!

KW = worst blogger EVER

I haven't posted for AGES! Partly because I've been too lazy and partly because I let my typepad account lapse and didn't realise until last week. Whooops. Silly Kept Woman.

Will you ever forgive me?

xxx

Too Cold for Naked Gymnastics

I am absolutely freezing.

The Weather Channel informs me that right now, this very moment, it is -11 °C . This, incidentally, is also today's expected high. The low, in case you are interested, is -19 °C which is very, very cold indeed.

Every winter I forget just how bloody cold Beijing gets in January and this seems to be a particularly tough one. I may be native gold under my clothes but no one will see as the idea of stripping to my pants fills me with horror. Mind you, even if someone could induce me to get nude it would take so long for me to remove all of my layers that whoever it is might just get bored, give up and go home.

Right now I am wearing:

• Usual bra knickers blah
• Cashmere leggings
• Socks
• Sheep skin lined moccasin slippers
• Vest
• Long sleeved T-shirt
• Short Sleeved T-shirt
• Cashmere Jumper
• Scarf

It would take someone with a sauna to get me naked right now.

Well that's it kids... I know I still have a few posts to pop up. Once I'm back into the swing of things here, up they'll go.

The Men and I

I love and hate crashing boys bonding. I'm not quite sure what it is as it seems to embrace the masculine and feminine part of my personality. There's the part of me that openly rolls its eyes when someone cracks a sexist joke (normally I would laugh along too - if it's funny). There's the part that comments on the outstandingly hot door bitch. Yes, it brings out my yin and yang.

I think it always depends on the men.

Years and years ago I went to a sporting event and happened to be the only female. Men attempted to shun Alpha for "ruining" the fun by bringing me and I kept my mouth shut apart from to comment on the general "look at those 32Cs" when I would chip in with a "C? C? Cant you recognise a good DD when you see it?" or "C? C? Can't you recognise a nipple on ribs with a good bra when you see it?"

I was appreciated by the end of the event if only for my talent at spotting "false advertising."

Any way, tonight was another story. Alpha and I had been invited to dinner followed by watching a match at a local bar. We knew other couples supposedly going so I happily scruffed down and got ready to pop over.

We walked in and there was this quiet silence when everyone realised that I was the only female... and none of the other women were there. Then EVERY male recounted a story of how his wife was either at home with the kids or would rather taser herself then come to dinner with "the lads." They then all looked at me like, so why the fuck are you here?

Luckily at least 3 of them were perfect gentlemen and made sure that I wasn't sat alone or ostracized or ignored. Like a good little girl I should say that as soon as dinner was over I did run so that they could enjoy drinking and shouting at the TV in peace.

Bless them.

The Theory Of Blowjobs

As I have said in posts before I am well known for two things. Great boobs and great head. The boobs thing is pretty much a matter of public record as I'm certainly not the type to keep them hidden away. Blowjobs though... ahhhhh I love to give head. Is there any other feeling in the world like hearing a man gasp, moan and call as he cums and knowing that it is all down to you?

Many men love to believe that blowjobs are a dominant thing. They think it makes them the top dog, the king, the stud. Oh how wrong they are.

Don't they know? Don't they understand that it is the female (or male, we're not homophobe here at The Kept Woman) who is in charge and in control? You decide the stroke, the speed, the style. You decide if you're going to make him cum quickly or if you're going to keep him lingering for hours on the cusp of that delicious release. You can tease, you can play, you can tempt. You can make it quick, whispering dirty nothings into his ear until blows. You can make it slow, with long, wet strokes that make him unsure where your mouth ends and your hands begin. You are the one giving pleasure and it's all down to you, your mouth and your hands. No one else.

The thrill and excitement of finding the right stroke, the right speed and the right pressure. Hearing that growl he makes when he goes from "yeah, I'm a stud, she's giving me head," to "Oh my god don't stop, that's amazing, the credit card is in my pants buy what you want just please don't stop, please don't stop, please don't stopohmygodohmygodohmygod."

Ha!

It's wonderful. I love how in control you are. I love that when you get it right you get it so right. I love the whole giving aspect to pleasure.

What do you like doing in bed? Giving head? Receiving? Straight up sex? Anal? Post to the comments section, the confessionals page or email me at thekeptwoman@live.com

I can't wait to hear!

How To Get Ready In Half An Hour

I dashed to the bathroom, swallowing any uncertainty, doubt and what, if I were a normal, moral, person would be called guilt but I prefer to call uneasiness. I tore off my clothes and turned the shower on full. I stepped under the hot water and felt my muscles relax. Without too much lingering I was straight into my ablution routine: shampoo, rinse shampoo, condition, exfoliate body, rinse off, slather on body wash, shave important bits (legs, underarms), apply face wash, rinse everything off-  conditioner, body wash and face wash- scrub teeth during final rinse.

Hop out the shower, towel dry hair and flip it into a turban. Chaff yourself with a soft towel until dry then deodorant and on with body lotion (dry skin becomes old skin). Body finished, turn next to face. Quick, quick, moisturize this too. Wash excess moisturizer off hands as it makes hair greasy.

Go find clothes (hope they aren't at the bottom of the wardrobe, dirty or wet from the wash and have most of their buttons) and put on appropriate underwear. Back to the bathroom. Blow dry and style hair. Put on all make up apart from lip color. Back to the bedroom. Get dressed. Hurry now, he'll be here soon. Back to the bathroom. Apply lip color or gloss or gunk or whatever. Last mascara coating. Moisturize hands. Perfume! Spray air above hair and neck and wrists at least. Check hair. Check clothes. Find handbag & make sure you have everything you need. Leave it by the front door. Pick perfect shoes and put them on.

Go and have a nice cup of tea or find a book and read calmly until he arrives. Hear the knock on the door walk slowly to the front door. Smile genuinely before you open it. Kiss him briefly on the lips and tell him you're almost ready. Set the house alarm. Pick up hand bag, final check of phone, keys and wallet - not that you'll need it, surely your gentleman is paying? - and leave the house, checking you've locked the door.

Now, wasn't that easy?

Confess Ye Sinners and Repent!

Ok I'm going to go a little off track here. Every time I log on to my typepad home page I click and see the stats of how many people have visited my page. Some days it's good - for me anyway - around 35 clicks. Sometimes not so good - 3 or 4. I know this is partly my fault for not churning out enough posts to keep interest up. Though please believe me when I say I'm trying to get better.

Anyway so when I look I can see what pages people looked at. The Lift is a popular post. A lot of people seem to look at the Confessional page and the Kept Woman Essentials page. Sadly neither are really up to snuff at the moment. The Confessional because no one has been to confess and the Kept Woman Essentials page because it looks rubbish and I haven't done anything to fix it yet. Naughty Kept Woman.

I want to make it better. I want to make The Kept Woman great. It's about my life so it should be as best as it can be after all.

So please dear reader, I beg. Confess to The Kept Woman. Tell me your deepest desires and your wickedest wishes. Tell me about the time your boyfriend spanked you. Or when you joined the mile high club. Or when you finally kissed your best girl friend and decided it was better than boys. Or became a mistress for a wealthy Frenchman. Or moved to Zimbabwe for love.

I promise, promise, promise NOT to reveal your identity (unless you want me to of course!) and won't pass on your details to anyone else. You may spank me if I do.

You can email your confession at thekeptwoman@live.com or click on the Confessional page and enter your details there. Don't worry, no one will see your email address.

Looking forward to hearing from you!

XXX

The Perfect Moment

There is a moment, in every coupling that is perfect.

The Perfect Moment.

It is those few seconds when he is on the brink of entering you for the first time. You can feel him right at the entrance to your pussy and you both watch each others eyes carefully. There is this heartbeat of time when he slides in and both your eyes turn black with fulfilled longing and lust. It is like the unwinding of a spring, or letting out a held breath, or holding a butterfly on your hand until it flies off.

Next time you are with a new lover try it and you will see.

Wait until he is just about to slide into you and look him deep in the eye. Feel his cock as it pushes into you and your body relaxes to accommodate it. Look and see how his pupils enlarge and blacken. Look at that breath come out, the one he didn't know he was keeping. Feel as it happens to your own body. Relax as your body picks up that ancient rhythm that seems to be in our bones as your bodies join and you begin that subtle dance.

Perfect.